<< One Weird Winter

02/05/05 - The World's Smallest Lumber Yard

We were just driving through Joyce, a small town west of Port Angeles, and we couldn't help but notice the little lumber yard right along Route 112. Joyce is a rather small town, but it has a restaurant or two, a laundromat, a general store, a health club, and a video rental center. These are all smallish operations, so the lumber yard is perhaps of the proper size for Joyce. Still, we had never seen such a small lumber yard before. Even the few lumber yards we've found in Manhattan, noted for its excruciating real estate prices, were larger.

Our curiosity had been piqued. Does this little lumber yard sell four by twelves, or do you have to make do with two by fours?

Kidding aside, they must have a system. This is Joyce, and Joyce is in lumber country. Perhaps this is a cut your own lumber yard. We've seen self pick strawberries, self pick lavender, and cut your own Christmas trees. Why not a cut your own lumber yard?

It all makes perfect sense. You pick up a chainsaw in the little building by the road, and while you're out in the forest picking out a likely looking tree, they'll be firing up the sawmill. We're not sure how they get the wood properly seasoned. Maybe they have one of those microwave wood kilns, sort of like at the convenience store, except big enough for a whole tree trunk. There is a lot of emphasis on knowing the ingredients in your restaurant meal these days. Why settle for Nieman Ranch beef, when you can meet the steer, and maybe tussle a bit? Why settle for factory farmed Home Depot lumber, when you can cut your own. It's so much more authentic.

Of course, the local tree varietal out in Joyce is probably cedar, but we can almost hear the guy at the yard saying, "Redwood. Not a problem. We've got seeds." But that is another story.

Keywords: humor, christmas, port angeles