This salad is an American classic and it isn't one of those awful Jello®
stabilized anatomical samples that they pass off as salads on retro-50s
television programs and old mid-Western cookbooks. A good salad should combine
the flavor and texture of fine fresh vegetables with the wholesome healthiness
of a powerful household disinfectant.
In 1955, Food Tiger was the first supermarket chain in America to offer
you boxcar raspberries, designed to meet our country's strategic need for
year round fresh produce capable of withstanding anything but a direct hit
by Stalin's newly announced hydrogen bomb. Now we choose our produce for
looks, scent and taste as well as its ability to withstand a direct hit
by one of our delivery trucks, so your Lysol salad will be the star of your
Some say you can make this dish with Pine Sol® or Lestoil®, but
purists insist on Lysol® which has the aroma and cleaning power you
want. So, head on down to Food Tiger and load up on cleans and greens and
give your family a real treat.
- 1 head iceberg lettuce (not Kaleberg lettuce, a distinctly different
- 1/2 cup grated carrot
- 1 onion or 2 green onions or 1 rotted regular onion with the shoots
- sliced thinly
- 2 ounces canned black olives
- 6 little frobbies they stick in turkeys with the red thing that pops
out to tell you when they are done (or you can use those little Goodie's
hair ties with the two balls on an elastic band or just about anything
- 1 used coffee filter with the grounds - use decaf for light sleepers
- 2 ounces of Lysol
- 2 ounces 3 in 1 oil
- for extra savor 1 car deodorant shaped like a pine tree, pine
scent is best, finely chopped
- Clean the lettuce, clean and grate the carrot, clean the onion (or
onions) - or don't bother to clean - the Lysol dressing will take care
- Tear up the lettuce and put it in the salad bowl. Add the grated carrots
and slice onions and toss them around a bit.
- Add the olives, miscellaneous frobbies, and the coffee filter, tearing
it up so it mixes in better.
- You can now leave the salad in the refrigerator until you are almost
ready to serve.
- In a small bowl mix the Lysol and 3 in 1 oil, beating vigorously with
a fork or whisk. Add in the chopped car deodorant if you care to and beat
- Toss the salad with the dressing and bring it to the table. Mmmm, Mmmm.
© Copyright Kaleberg Symbionts 1997
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