Names for Kid Friendly Cocktails

Good Names for Non-Alcoholic Versions of Classic Cocktails

Once a year we have a Kaleberg luau. This is loosely based on an actual luau, so we get the banana leaves and some pork and fire up the grill to make kalua pork, we pickle and smoke our pipikailua beef, we stuff our ti leaves with taro leaves, sweet potato, pork and beef and steam them for lau lau. Then, we round up the taro chips and the clam dip. Then, we make cocktails.

Cocktails are probably even less authentic than clam dip, but you can't have a proper luau without them. We tend to buy five or six types of rum and track down such goodies as falernum, orgeat, maraschino liqueur and Peychaud bitters. Then, we turn on the blender and go for it.

We like our luaus to be kid friendly. So, we have ice your own cupcakes with boiled icing and sprinkles for dessert, and we see who makes, and eats, the most luridly decorated cupcake.

The adults get to play with the cocktails. Our big favorite this year was the Hell in the Pacific which uses maraschino liqueur, which does not taste at all like the liquid that maraschino cherries are soaked in. It tastes more like firewater. Our perrenials include the Test Pilot, with falernum and lime, and the Mai Tai, which can actually be rather good if you make it right. We swear by our battered copy of Beachbum Berry's Grog Log.

Of course, we can't serve the cocktails to the kids. They sort of get the same effect from the sugar in the cupcakes as we adults do from the alcohol, but we have contemplated the names for suitable kid drinks based on their adult versions.

For example:

	Adult Version	Kid Version
	Hell in the Pacific	Heck in the Pacific
	Suffering Bastard	Suffering Unfortunate
	Colonel Beach's Plantation Punch	Corporal Beach's Plantation Punch
	Gone the Beachcomber	Leaving Soon the Beachcomber
	Hurricane	Moderate Gale
	Misionary's Downfall	Missionary's Stumble
	Oceanic Punch	Lake Punch
	Pieces of Eight	Pieces of Seven
	Sidewinder's Fang	Earthworm's Tooth
	Test Pilot	Milk Run Pilot
	Planet of the Apes	Planet of the Monkeys or Asteroid of the Apes

We haven't actually made up any of these drinks yet, but we have another luau coming, so we're working on it.

If you are interested in trying some of these cocktails, in their full glory (i.e. with ethanol), check out Beachbum Berry's Grog Log at Amazon.

If you want to do some great Hawaiian cooking, check out Alan Wong's New Wave Luau. That man can really cook Hawaiian.